The last couple of weeks (years) I have found myself rushing. And I mean everywhere, all the time.
I’ve always been the kind of person to leave everything until the last minute. Hence, the rushing. Throughout these last two years I have come to learn why I do this.
I am a perfectionist. I am afraid of failure, of not measuring up. I feel that my self worth is somehow tied up in my successes and my ‘perfection’. And thus, the procrastination. The stress of trying to do everything perfectly, create and apply and finish; perfectly. . is just too much. So I put it off as long as possible, until I have no choice but to do it immediately.
Now, this has made me REALLY good at doing things under pressure, under a deadline, and super quickly. But I don’t know how much of a pro that really is. This makes for constant rushing; which leads to constant stress.
No matter how hard you try, if this is the way you live, that stress will seep into every single area of your life. Your home, your marriage, your kids, your relationships, your job… and everyone then needs a way to de-stress, to cope. Mine is to eat. THIS IS NOT OKAY. It’s also the need to do mindless things alone, until 3am, like watching Netflix. THIS IS ALSO NOT OKAY. I mean of course, we all need a good Netflix binge, but not every night….
So now that I am aware of why I do it, and what it does to me.. I need to change it. Awareness is really good, I am all for awareness. It’s so important. However, if you do nothing about what you are now aware of, well, obviously nothing will change. And I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of being stress-free and not rushed. At peace.
For those of you who believe and have a relationship with Jesus; a really really good way to slow things down is to be intentional with your relationship with Him. And I don’t mean that you have to sit down every day and be silent for an hour (although that would probably be REALLY beneficial so I do encourage it, I myself have not done that :S) just be intentional about telling Him how you are feeling at any given point in the day. Read the verse of the day and try to think of it during your work. Ask the Lord to put someone in your path who you need to listen to, hug or speak life to. It’s amazing what that does. Your whole day will be different; and by different, I mean better!
Another thing I have started to do, is to just practice relaxing my body. Start at the tip of your head and go down. Purposely relax your forehead, your nose, mouth, shoulders, hips, legs, and feet until you are like a noodle. It really shows you just how tense you are being; do this throughout the day as well!
And lastly, but not in any way the least, DO NOT PUT YOUR SELF WORTH IN YOUR LEVEL OF PRODUCTIVITY, PERFECTION, OR SUCCESS.
Besides, who even decided what is perfect or what is successful anyways? Nobody knows, so don’t try to prove yourself to Nobody, it’s just senseless. Trust me, I know this because I’ve wasted too much time doing just that!
I love me. I am pretty awesome; when I’m not forgetting my kids mittens or getting mad at my husband for no good reason. And all those other ‘flaws’ that I have? I have a load of people who love me no matter what, and will help me work on always being better. And in this case, being a better human means deciding my self worth is tied to how God views me. He says He views me just like His Son. And that’s pretty perfect.
<3
