No Longer Risking It

This morning, was one beautiful morning. *insert beaming grin here*

I went in for my neurologist appointment – leaving at 630am with a 1 year old went surprisingly well – in the city today. I had been having a LOT less eye symptoms and feeling less pressure in my head in general. Still a few wooshes at night in my ears, but I was feeling pretty positive!

My optha-neurologist is just amazing, let’s first say that. He is so caring and encouraging, while never sugar coating the truth for me. And today, for the first time, I did not hear the words “this is risky” or “even though to continue this way is dangerous..” I only heard these beautiful words: “Oh wow, this is good.. see? This is what happens when I have a reliable patient and you listen to me, I will only need to see you every other month.. come back at the end of the year”

Wooooo! To further sweeten the morning, I asked him how far I had come and he stated that I am 75% healed!!!!! You guys, that’s only 25% left! I have almost cried with joy all day long.

The hard part, the scary part, the risky part, the you-could-lose-your-vision part.. is GONE. DONE. This is almost as exciting as a clean bill of health :)

In another 8 pounds, I will have hit his goal for me weight-wise, and I believe that at the end of December, I will hear the words that I no longer have Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension.

I would like to lose another ten pounds on top of his goal so that I am no longer overweight and would be in a healthy position for everything. I have not treated this like a crazy regime which I will quit once I hit the goal; but rather, I have just been eating things that are better for me (sometimes), eating smaller portions, and going for more walks than I usually do. I don’t want this to be a phase, I don’t want this to be something I did only for this cause, I want it to be my lifestyle.. so I have tried to keep it realistic. Let's face it, I just really enjoy eating. :)

I am not a person who can cut out sugar or gluten or chips completely, and I am not a person (yet.. anything can happen. Well anything other than cutting out the delicious aforementioned foods) who likes to go to the gym and work out like crazy. Has it been slower this way? Yes. However, it will be lasting and my Loving Father has protected me on the way. I cannot express my gratefulness enough :’)

So, I’m going to end with a quote that I read the other day that really really resonated with me, because I’m usually an All-or-Nothing kind of gal. It goes:

'Sometimes you fall off the wagon for months. Sometimes you tell yourself you're gonna start fresh on Monday and by Wednesday you've already fallen back off. Sometimes you have to restart a hundred times and it's frustrating. But it will be okay. You can do this. One day at a time' :)

Love you guys!

Evicting the Food Addict in Me

This morning was a huge victory for me :)

As of today, I have lost a total of 20 pounds. 20 pounds! This may seem like a little or like a lot to some of you; but to me, it is a lot! Honestly, even ten pounds ago I didn’t feel like this was possible.

This means I am already ¾’s of the way to my neurologist’s goal for me, and halfway-ish to my own personal goal. I say ish because the number shouldn’t dictate how I feel about myself during this process or at the end.

I am feeling very happy, super proud of myself, and quite motivated not to do too much damage at the thanksgiving potluck at work today haha

It has taken me about 3 months to lose this weight and it has not been easy. To say I have had a problem with food would be accurate. I will not call myself a food addict any longer, because it’s no longer the Truth. However, to say I was one and that I definitely still have to fight the lingering lies and thoughts from that lifestyle, is a fact.

Now, being addicted to food is different than some other substances because you can’t quit cold turkey. You need the food to survive. I’m not saying this makes it harder or easier; just different. In order to live a healthy life, I have to put thought into what I’m eating, when and how much.

As a food addict, my thought process went a little something like this:

*Eats breakfast.* When’s lunch? *Eats lunch* When’s supper? *Eats Supper.* Ooo what should have for an evening snack?

I want to eat out.   *After just eating out*

Trav’s not home, I should quickly eat some popcorn and chocolate chips so he doesn’t see me do it

I don’t want to eat out, people will see a fat girl at McDonald’s and think they know me, but I have to have it

Hmm, I’ll be on the road for a few hours.. what if I get hungry? *panics* I have to bring something with.

I’ve been so good eating-wise for two days, I deserve a bag of chips

I’m sad, I’m going to eat

I’m mad, I’m going to eat

I need to celebrate, I’m going to eat

So many thoughts… always. Talk about being consumed. But then, that’s what addiction does. Consumes you. It’s embarrassing to type those thoughts out, but that’s what my life was. I’ve always tried to work out or eat better in between and sometimes I would make progress, but I would always backslide.

Even with this terrible lifestyle, I still never really went more than about 20 pounds overweight. Add hypothyroidism and BAM. Suddenly I’m considered obese. Things are so much different when you have so much stomach in the way. You sit different, you shave your legs different, your clothes obviously don’t fit anymore, you lose your energy, and often some confidence.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I also don’t want to be someone who’s obsessed with her weight. Thanks to the thyroid pills and to a new-found attitude (being, don’t gain weight or you’ll lose your vision) I’ve been making progress! It’s a bit harder not to focus on the number when the number (at this point; due to the Intracranial Hypertension) is literally a direct relation to possibly losing your eyesight. However, because I’ve had to focus on my health too and going for walks to increase the weight loss.. I’ve been able to not need the sweets or the chips so badly. This does not mean that my plan when I hit my target weight isn’t to eat a small bag of chips. Haha I’m holding out for that :)

It’s been quite a journey to say no to the McDonald’s, to the ‘reward’ food, and to the evening snacks if I’m not hungry. Having one sip of coke as opposed to a whole can is definitely not what I want to do. I don’t always succeed.. but I do succeed more times than not. Watching the number on the scale creep down has helped, but is definitely not enough to keep me on the path. The support I have felt from my husband, however; has been a huge factor. He’s always so encouraging, so excited for me when I hit a new goal and makes me feel beautiful and attractive no matter what the scale or the lies are telling me. My friends and family have been an amazing sound board and encouragement too. Throw in some Praise and Worship when I’m struggling, and that’s a pretty great support system!

Thanks for listening everyone, now go and have a great thanksgiving without eating yourself into a food coma ;)

Before and During: