Evicting the Food Addict in Me

This morning was a huge victory for me :)

As of today, I have lost a total of 20 pounds. 20 pounds! This may seem like a little or like a lot to some of you; but to me, it is a lot! Honestly, even ten pounds ago I didn’t feel like this was possible.

This means I am already ¾’s of the way to my neurologist’s goal for me, and halfway-ish to my own personal goal. I say ish because the number shouldn’t dictate how I feel about myself during this process or at the end.

I am feeling very happy, super proud of myself, and quite motivated not to do too much damage at the thanksgiving potluck at work today haha

It has taken me about 3 months to lose this weight and it has not been easy. To say I have had a problem with food would be accurate. I will not call myself a food addict any longer, because it’s no longer the Truth. However, to say I was one and that I definitely still have to fight the lingering lies and thoughts from that lifestyle, is a fact.

Now, being addicted to food is different than some other substances because you can’t quit cold turkey. You need the food to survive. I’m not saying this makes it harder or easier; just different. In order to live a healthy life, I have to put thought into what I’m eating, when and how much.

As a food addict, my thought process went a little something like this:

*Eats breakfast.* When’s lunch? *Eats lunch* When’s supper? *Eats Supper.* Ooo what should have for an evening snack?

I want to eat out.   *After just eating out*

Trav’s not home, I should quickly eat some popcorn and chocolate chips so he doesn’t see me do it

I don’t want to eat out, people will see a fat girl at McDonald’s and think they know me, but I have to have it

Hmm, I’ll be on the road for a few hours.. what if I get hungry? *panics* I have to bring something with.

I’ve been so good eating-wise for two days, I deserve a bag of chips

I’m sad, I’m going to eat

I’m mad, I’m going to eat

I need to celebrate, I’m going to eat

So many thoughts… always. Talk about being consumed. But then, that’s what addiction does. Consumes you. It’s embarrassing to type those thoughts out, but that’s what my life was. I’ve always tried to work out or eat better in between and sometimes I would make progress, but I would always backslide.

Even with this terrible lifestyle, I still never really went more than about 20 pounds overweight. Add hypothyroidism and BAM. Suddenly I’m considered obese. Things are so much different when you have so much stomach in the way. You sit different, you shave your legs different, your clothes obviously don’t fit anymore, you lose your energy, and often some confidence.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I also don’t want to be someone who’s obsessed with her weight. Thanks to the thyroid pills and to a new-found attitude (being, don’t gain weight or you’ll lose your vision) I’ve been making progress! It’s a bit harder not to focus on the number when the number (at this point; due to the Intracranial Hypertension) is literally a direct relation to possibly losing your eyesight. However, because I’ve had to focus on my health too and going for walks to increase the weight loss.. I’ve been able to not need the sweets or the chips so badly. This does not mean that my plan when I hit my target weight isn’t to eat a small bag of chips. Haha I’m holding out for that :)

It’s been quite a journey to say no to the McDonald’s, to the ‘reward’ food, and to the evening snacks if I’m not hungry. Having one sip of coke as opposed to a whole can is definitely not what I want to do. I don’t always succeed.. but I do succeed more times than not. Watching the number on the scale creep down has helped, but is definitely not enough to keep me on the path. The support I have felt from my husband, however; has been a huge factor. He’s always so encouraging, so excited for me when I hit a new goal and makes me feel beautiful and attractive no matter what the scale or the lies are telling me. My friends and family have been an amazing sound board and encouragement too. Throw in some Praise and Worship when I’m struggling, and that’s a pretty great support system!

Thanks for listening everyone, now go and have a great thanksgiving without eating yourself into a food coma ;)

Before and During: