Anxiety's Enemy

Anxiety. So many of us know the word. So many of us know the feeling. I’m willing to bet that most of us, hate it. If you’re anything like me, anyway.

I didn’t use to think that I was an anxious person. In fact, I would say that I was probably one of the most care-free people… ever!

And then I had a baby. And this, was a wonderful thing. However; it changed my body. My hormones.. whacked. My thyroid.. whacked. My intracranial pressure… whacked. My iron levels… sooooo low. (I bet you thought I was gonna say whacked.. ha SURPRISE)

And what do you know, a symptom of every single one of these things? Mood swings. Irritability. Fatigue. All of those things together; anxiety.

So it’s been a very interesting road for me these last almost two years. I didn’t really realize it until probably half a year ago. . I’m not sure why it took that long but suddenly I realized that hey, I’m feeling stressed about basically every single thing, I freak out a lot easier than most people about very small things.. or things that haven’t even happened. I realized that it took me a really long time to relax, like probably 2 or 3 hours into a kid-free date. And sometimes, I just get so wound up that I cannot see past what is currently happening. It hit me; I must be a person who deals with anxiety! It sounds silly, I know.

Once I figured that out, it changed my perspective a bit. Instead of constantly being in that mode of tense, I tried to remember that this is why I was feeling this way. And to stop and breathe, and relax my muscles, and take more time for myself. And to work out. This is a huge one!

However, although that sometimes works a bit in the moment, my default is/was just still always STRESS.

And you know, that gets pretty tiring. And frustrating. And your body just wasn’t made for that!

Now, I understand that my level of anxiety is probably on the smaller scale.. and I haven’t been diagnosed with anything so of course, I’m always going to encourage people to see a doctor, therapist, naturopath or whatever you feel you need to do. But, here’s what happened to me this weekend:

It was Friday.. and I spent it sewing curtains (yes, you can laugh) until 1am with my mother-in-law (who is a saint for teaching me for that long). This was a good experience, I learned to surge and sew and practiced my ironing skills which had been dormant for quite some time. I even enjoyed it! This surprised me haha

However, in between all of that.. I just kept thinking about how busy tomorrow was going to be. And how I didn’t think I could finish my to-do list in the day. And that it just would be the end of SOMETHING if I didn’t get it all done like I wanted to. And I was pre-stressing about how stressed I was going to be tomorrow and just imagining my brain exploding or my body falling into pieces! And finally I just said “God, I need help tomorrow doing all that. A;sdlkgh” or some kind of sound ha and then I continued to iron.

Fast forward to tomorrow. We took something off the list, which took another something off the list, and decided to go watch our nephews play ball instead. Alex played happily with her Nana and cousin and I actually sat and watched because of that. Then I went home and took a shower and realized.. I feel strange. Something’s different. LET’S ANALYZE

I… Was… Relaxed!! ;asldkj;falkjdf!

A miracle! In the middle of the day, haven’t been kid-free yet, my to-do list did not get done, and I was on my way to a get-together in a few minutes; if I could get ready in time. Wow! I just stood there and let the water wash over me and almost felt like crying. What a wonderful, warm feeling.. to feel peace in the middle of what is normally chaos for you.

And then I realized.. Ohhhhhhh… I asked for help yesterday. It was not an eloquent prayer. Hence the ‘aha;sdfhak’. It was not well thought out, or filled with pre-thanks or worship. It was a desperate, throw-your-hands-up, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING LORD’ kind of thing…for a ‘non-big’ problem.  Just rolled into one word: Help.

And He did J

Something so simple, yet so easy to forget when you spend every day in your own world and thinking about things you need to remember. Just ask for help. The supernatural kind of help is unexplainable but oh so wonderful. Also, ask a person.. or a therapist , or a doctor. Help.

I always thought that I wasn't trying to do things on my own, because I pray all the time. For other people, and thanking Him for things..... I was forgetting that crucial part of what He loves to do. Help! lol okay I think I've got that word in your minds now ;)

And remember to keep asking. It’s not a bad thing; we were created to love and help one another. And this world and we are not perfect. It’s okay not to have it all together, and it’s most definitely ok not to pretend that you do.

I’m still going to write my to-do lists. They help me with my memory. Lol and my sanity.

But I’m going to try to remember to ask for help, so that I don’t fall apart when I think about my list, or don’t finish it.

Peace in the middle of it all. Anxiety’s enemy.

It’s worth everything.

To anyone else who lives like me: You got this <3