This is Part 2 of my summer life story.. if you haven't ready Part 1 yet; click here.
Ps. There is only one part left.. hang in there ;)
On Monday, Trav took the day off, and we headed to the city
to see the neurologist. I described what I had been experiencing these last few
weeks and as well as the last few months; I had been feeling like my brain was
‘full’ or like there was some kind of pressure, not quite a headache but just
weird. I am pretty sure I have even mentioned to trav before; “like something
feels wrong with my brain.” But it never occurred to me to go in and say that
to a doctor, seemed a bit sketchy ha. Anyways, they did a bunch of tests (I
looked like a cat for some, I had to touch my nose and then their finger over
and over or walk in a straight line.. very interesting) and he concluded that
everything was working great and my eyes were even a bit better than his. He
said he needed to do a spinal tap to confirm what he thought it was (possibly a
benign condition, I liked that word). I will say, curled in a fetal position on
a bed while they stick two needles in your back and then another to take your
spinal fluid out, was less than fun. I was imagining all kinds when he said “nice
and clear and the flow is good”. Apparently it doesn’t flow like a faucet but
is a slow drip. This was encouraging to me! haha
When they were finished, he
said my only side effect might be that I would finally NOT have a headache
because they will have relieved some pressure. My official diagnosis was as he
expected: Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. Basically, this means that I
have too much pressure around my brain. Judging by the words during the spinal tap
“oh wow, its still climbing” there is quite a bit too much. Now, my
understanding is that this is nothing fatal but if it would have continued, I
would have had permanent vision loss. Praise the Lord that has not happened. I
have almost perfect vision according to all the tests. God has been watching
over me, that’s for sure. Now the cause for this condition is your thyroid (if
it’s not working properly) and weight gain. This, when your thyroid isn’t
working, is basically inevitable. I was both frustrated that such a simple
thing could cause such a serious problem, and very relieved because this means,
it is completely fixable!! He prescribed me some medication to relieve the
pressure in my brain and warned me that there would probably be some side
effects (tingling hands, dizziness or headaches). Then he referred me to a neuro-ophthalmologist
who can monitor the pressure with pictures of my eyes instead of more spinal
taps. That sounded pretty dang good to me! He said that as my thyroid pills
kick in, I will be able to lose the weight and I should make a full recovery. :’)
Needless to say, as we walked out of that hospital, I cried tears of relief as
well as some I-hated-that-spinal-tap tears. Travis was a superb partner to have
through all this (he didn’t even faint when the needles went in, because he
left the room pronto haha). Reassuring me when I was being ridiculous, giving
me sound logic when I was playing what-if, and reminding me what I believe when
I started to fear.
The next week was a bit rough, to be honest. I thought I was
done the hardest part and now I just had to get better, however; I had other
reactions to the drug. My toes were tingly and parts of them and my feet were
going numb. My nose felt like I had dove into the deep end way too fast and it
throbbed so hard I could hardly concentrate on anything else, and the pressure
headaches were fairly intense. (Thank you to my girlfriends who prayed over me
when I had a migraine that one night<3) I called the pharmacist to make sure
these symptoms were normal and I was told that the tingly toes was on the ‘seek
medical help’ list. Great. Like I wanted another thing to think about. I called
my neurologist and he wasn’t in so I left a message and then waited almost two
days. My family doctor suggested cutting the dosage in half so, while I waited,
that’s what I did. This however, did not make me feel any better and randomly
throughout the day, as the symptoms would come and go, I would have minor panic
attacks. I have never really been a hyperventilating person and I have to say,
I hate that too. I don’t like feeling like I’m losing control, especially when
I know my baby is going to wake up any minute and I need to be a functioning
adult and take care of her. Being afraid that every bite of food I take could
be the one that makes me lose my vision, and worrying that the tingly toes
could mean anything (losing my foot, blood clot… your brain goes waaaaay too
far on it’s own) isn’t how I like to operate, although I do seem to be bent
that way. Usually when I worry, all I have to do is say a verse or listen to a
praise song and I’m back on my feet. This time that was only working for about
an hour and I’d be back to freaking out. On top of that, I had not lost any
weight yet and I had been eating extremely well. I could not deal. So I texted my bible study
leaders and said I needed help.
I headed over there
that evening and we had a good chat. Everything they talked about, I agreed with
and said “and I KNOW that….” So finally he looked at me and said: “So you’re
here to hear other believers speak the things that you already know to be the
Truth” and I said “Yes! Cuz it’s not working for me to do it!” So we went over
some basics and they shared some of their own stories. I have had many instances
in my life where I have prayed with, for or over someone and they have been
healed (not by me, obviously, it was Jesus through the prayer) but apparently
when it’s myself, it’s just harder to believe that it can happen. They reminded
me that it was okay to react and feel. It’s definitely important to go to the
doctor if I feel I should and take the pills that are necessary, but that I
also need a mindset change. I needed to decide, so that I would stop worrying,
that none of the physical symptoms mean anything, and then go spend time with
my Father. The stronger that relationship is, the more everything else falls
into place. I have experienced this before, but have never had to ‘test’ it on
something this serious. It felt so good to just be reminded of everything I
knew my heart believed. God was watching out and protecting my vision and
everything else up till now, He’s not just going to pull back now and stop.
<3 and I needed to decide to trust that, no matter how or what I was
feeling. They prayed over me; for peace that passes all understanding, for healing
and they cast out anything unlawful that was in my body in Jesus’ name. I was
crying by the end and I felt so good, like a huge weight had been lifted off my
chest. I went home feeling like everything was going to be just fine but as
soon as I got to bed, my toes were tingling. Man was I ever mad. This wasn’t
supposed to be happening. Trav prayed for me and touched my arm while he did
and my toes and feet were flooded with warmth and my head felt light. I fell
asleep and when I woke up I felt amazing! There was no blood rushing in my ears
and when I went to weight myself, I had lost FIVE pounds! Five pounds in one
day!!!! I lost another two that day and this was enough to bring my blood
pressure down from 145/100 to 122/80!! Almost textbook perfect. Our prayers HAD
been answered last night. Despite my anger and my doubt, my Father was still
faithful :’) My feet are still warm to this day.. and for a person whose feet
have always been so cold that I don’t usually feel them, this is almost
annoying :P but a good reminder J
That next week (Tuesday, July 28th) I went to see
my neuro-ophthalmologist.
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