That next week (Tuesday, July 28th) I went to see my neuro-ophthalmologist and he took some pictures of the back of my eye and did more neurology tests on me (making me repeat words and then remember them five minutes later, asking me how much 9 quarters is.. Lol). He explained the picture to me and how it told him there was pressure in the brain (when he saw the amount of pressure from the report his response was; “woah!” Not exactly reassuring ha) but that there was no hemorrhaging and since I had no vision loss, this was good. He said that because we had a reason for the weight gain (thyroid) and since I had just started those pills and would be able to lose it soon, he was taking me off the brain pressure drugs and just prescribing weight loss!! He said if he kept me on the meds I would have to commit to a year and three times the amount I was on now. I couldn’t have been more surprised and happy to hear that I could stop taking them. I hated how they made me feel and if I can just do this by losing weight, that would be amazing. He said if my insurance covered another kind of test, he wanted to do that because it would give him a better look at everything but if it didn’t then we wouldn’t do it. He didn’t want me to have to pay out of my own pocket. I think this is the first doctor I’ve met who wanted me off medication immediately and was caring about not only my health, but also my finances! It was so refreshing. He said because we aren’t doing that extra test, we are driving a little bit in the dark, but not too much in the dark. Haha So now I have an even better reason to trust Jesus and not drugs. I left that office with even more of a spring in my step than before. Every time I go see someone it seems to be better news!! I go back to see him in a month where he will monitor the pressure and I will need to have lost 10-15 pounds by then. Losing a total of 25-30 is the ultimate goal, he said; “that should do it.” So by the end of September I should be good to go.. that’s not that far away!
It’s been 16 days since that appointment and I’ve only lost
another 3 pounds since then, so that means I have about 15 days to lose another
7-10. However, as hard as it is, I am not going to weigh myself every morning.
That just makes me afraid if I haven’t seen it move .. I have been very proud
of myself and how I’ve been eating so I know that very soon the weight will
just fall off. The thyroid pills that I am taking are starting to slowly work
because I am feeling more and more energetic and like myself. They say that
they take about one month to three months to kick in and I’m just about to go
on one month. I still see sparkles and flashes throughout the day and some days
it’s worse than others but I’ve still had no loss of vision and most days the
symptoms are 65-70% gone.
I definitely have had
to lead a different lifestyle these last few weeks; it’s been difficult and
also great. I have to take breaks, I have to stay home sometimes instead of
going out, I have to save up my energy. If I know that I’ll be going somewhere
in the evening, I’ll have to do almost nothing during the day, except of course take care of
and play with my baby, or vice versa. It feels unproductive and I obviously
still sometimes base my worth on my level of ‘productivity’, so it’s been a
learning process too. Most of the guilt is gone because I know that taking care
of myself is more important than the house or the finances or the supper table.
It’s just difficult to remember that all the time, so I keep working at it.
Saying no to coca cola, saying no to chips, saying no to Kimmi’s cookies; these
are all very difficult for me. I am someone who definitely has a food
addiction. I’ve been fighting it for years and I go back and forth to doing
well and then back to letting it consume me. Right before all of this happened
I started going to the gym and made an appointment with a dietician because I
told Trav, I don’t want a health scare to be what changes me……. Strange turn of
events. However, since my thyroid wasn’t working, the immense weight gain
wasn’t just from me, and somehow that made me feel better. I hadn’t thought I
was quite that far gone and it’s good to know I wasn’t. Needless to say, every time
I take a bite, I have a different thought process now…. Resting (going to bed
at 10 instead of 12) and letting myself get fully hungry before I eat; I have
come to enjoy these things. They feel right, and they are signs of progress
both as a person, and in my health. My blood pressure is still good, I’ve lost
10 pounds, and I have some energy. I can honestly say, this is the best I have
felt in my entire mat leave and I can hardly wait to be all the way better.
Another perk to this new perspective on life (knowing you
are going to make a full recovery does that to a person lol) is that I just
don’t care what I look like anymore! Well, I still like to look nice ha but for
example; my brother-in-law’s wedding (which was beautiful and fun). This was
the first wedding that I didn’t not waste any energy on wishing that I was
smaller so that I could have worn a different dress or that my dress looked
‘better’ on me. I thought I looked pretty and that was it. J Our bodies are so
amazing with what they can all do, and with how they adapt when certain parts
aren’t working properly and I’m so thankful for mine.
I want to say thank you to everyone who did know about it
and sent your prayers and your good wishes. Thank you for caring and
understanding when I wasn’t myself, when I didn’t have the energy to be as
attentive as I wished I could have and for loving me. I have been blessed with
so many amazing people in my life sometimes it overwhelms me. I have definitely
felt closer to my Father and to my Jesus in the last little while than I have
in a long time and I in NO way believe that God did this to me for that reason.
I believe things like this happen because of the way we live, the world we live
in, the enemy, or just bad decisions. I do believe that Jesus takes these
things and squeezes all of the good He can out of them because I am His child
and He cares for me even more than my own parents do (and they care a LOT). I
am so happy to feel this Love and this Peace and also this Healing that I am
receiving. I look forward to the day when I hear the words that my pressure
around my brain is normal, and as a bonus I also look forward to the day when I
get to go shopping for a new wardrobe (remember trav, you promised :P).
The next time someone asks me how I’m doing, I can honestly
answer with ‘much better’ and it feels so good. I missed me! I have conquered
the fear.. even though it rears its head here and there, I just tell it to go
back to hell where it came from and immediately it vanishes. I am whole.
Despite what is happening in the natural, it is well with my soul J
Love you all and I hope that if you have any medical
conditions or any suspicions or maybe even a problem with foo; that you make an
effort to check it out, or listen to your body and take care of yourself. I am
still learning just how important that is. <3
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